Twenty-four Lessons ver. 2.0

Somebody pointed out that I had two #12's in my previous post. (Did you guys notice? I definitely didn't. Blaming it on the lambanog!) Another friend of mine also pointed out that the lessons I have listed down, while "inspiring and really cute" (rolling my eyes right now), have nothing to do with romantic love. Admittedly, I went all ??? and then realized that maybe I am skirting that particular aspect of my life.

Thus, I am posting version 2.0 of my twenty-four lessons post. Yes, this one will contain some stuff I have realized over the years in that particular department. Not all, though. I think I haven't learned enough in that aspect of my life. (Though I am in denial and I refuse to believe that. :P) Some are kind of recycled (from my Twitter account), but all original (or as original as general, life-inspirational verses can be). Enjoy!

24. Learn how to count...your blessings. LOL. But seriously, learn how to count your blessings. Your mistakes. The lessons you've learned from them.

23. Also, learn how to count the chances you've been given and the risks you've taken. Just to keep you on your toes and to remind you that you are neither lucky nor unlucky forever.

22. When you take responsibility, take it whole or none at all. Own it, the way you'd own that new designer pair of shoes you just bought using all your bonus pay. And, when you feel like you're going to explode with all that "owning," remember that...

21.  ...there is nothing that chocolate can't fix. Or ice cream. Or beer. Or tequila. Choose your poison. But...

20. ...know that there is nothing better than children's laughter/smiles/hugs to make all the tiredness go away. The wonder on their wide, innocent eyes when you tell them about the Three Little Pigs. The trust in their voice when they say "Yes, Teacher!" The earnest way they wave "Good bye!" Oh, joy! When was the last time you talked to a kid? :)

19. Dress up for yourself. Don't believe that all "dress up 'cause you never know who you'll meet out there." crap. I mean, there is some truth in that, but dress up for yourself first and foremost. It's your skin you're covering up (or revealing) anyway.

18. Avoid unnecessary drama. It is saddening but quite important to let go of friends who bring even more chaos and confusion to your already chaotic and confusing world.

17. Yes, everyone's newest mantra "Keep calm and [insert another action here]" works wonders most of the time. The phrase may just be a trend, but poise and grace under pressure are timeless.

16. And, yes, there are just some things that you cannot fix. Remember that and try not to feel all too guilty about it. Especially if you tried...and if you have tried really hard already.

15. Don't play games if you're not ready to lose. Also, don't play games only to brag about your conquests or your prizes. And don't play games if you don't know the rules or if you can't follow them. Then again, it is human nature not to follow rules. Alas, don't play games at all.

14. Flirting is an art: it is viewed and interpreted in many, many ways, and not everyone understands it. Enjoy, but be careful.

13. Also, experience is not only the best teacher, but also the most beautiful of masterpieces. Art becomes better as we grow older. Or, rather, more mature.

12. Trust your instinct. Most of the time, it is more trustworthy than the people around you.

11. It is not true that people do not judge. They do. Every time. I do, and I'm pretty sure you do, too. It is, however, up to you to decide what to do with your perceptions.

10. When things go sour, mourn. It's not a sign of weakness. Admit it: by then, you'd know that you already are weak. It's your first step to regaining your strength.As cliche as it sounds, everything really does happen for a reason. And all these reasons are revealed in time.

9. There are times that it is better to not read between the lines and take things as it is. As John Mayer said in one of his songs: Anything other than 'yes' is 'no.' / Anything other than 'stay' is 'go.' / Anything less than 'I love you' is lying. I know, I know, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but we're all people here who would probably seek for clarity when the time arises. When that time comes, all should speak but one language.

8. Smile at other people's indecisiveness. Remember that you, too, are guilty of this once in a while.

7. Cheaters never win. Despite the prepositions that may come with the dreadful verb.

6. Revenge births such powerful motivation to act. When you feel vengeful, do something positive for yourself.

5. Never ever just settle. You're not doing anybody any favors and you're selling yourself short at the same time. Being single and happy is infinitely better than being with someone and miserable.

4. Some of the love you feel never goes away. But it does transform into something else: friendship, care, trust, faith...hope. It sucks when it becomes hate. But it does happen, no matter how sad that sounds.

3. That doesn't mean it can't transform into anything else, though. These transformations may change the way you feel, the way you think, but remember that some may not be as permanent as you think they are. And, when they aren't, don't stand in the way of change.

2. He must make you laugh. Find ways to find laughter with him. Oh, and make him laugh, too. :)

1. Believe that you will find love. Only, sometimes, it might not be with another person. Love is all around you. Loneliness, just like happiness, is so relative.

Twenty-four Lessons

I guess I can say that, in a nutshell, I have learned these things over my twenty-four years of existence:

24. Know that you will learn something valuable from others. This is true no matter how colorful your life is. You can't experience them all.

23. Also, learn from yourself. Learn from your mistakes. Seize the day. Living a life full of regrets is not living a life at all.

22. But don't be afraid to admit that you do feel regret. Acknowledge your emotions. Embrace them. Learn from them. Grow from them. Don't be afraid to cry.

21. Never stop discovering. It is never too late to fall in love with a new hobby, a new pet, a new idea, a new friend...the list goes on and on.

20. Some of the best gifts do come wrapped and are in, erm, object form. Avoid giving generic gifts.

18. Be artistic. There will always be moments when words will fail you. When that happens, dance. Paint  Sketch. When all else fails, take a picture. There are two universal languages in this world of ours: Math and music. If you can't do Math properly, make music so that the world will know what you want to say. Sing.

17. Don't be afraid to look funny or stupid. The important thing is you're having a good time. It's better to laugh at yourself than to laugh at the expense of others.

16. Yes, avoid laughing at other people behind their backs. Know that it doesn't feel good at all.

15. Time is gold. Avoid procrastination.

14. However, don't confuse procrastination with relaxation.

13. Push your limits. Be courageous. Just because you're good doesn't mean you can't be better. Just because you're already better doesn't mean you can't be the best.

12. And when you do become the best, teach. Teaching is sharing. Not to mention fulfilling. :) Recognize, though, that you never stop learning. If you think you know enough, then you know nothing.

12. Learn how to deal on your own. Otherwise, you'd be so dependent on others. That is never a good thing. So is going crazy.

11. Keep secrets, but be honest with yourself. How can you be honest with others if you don't know how to be honest with yourself?

10. There are times when the unexpected is infinitely better than even your highest expectations. Appreciate surprises.

9. Smile on a gloomy day. You'll definitely feel better and so will the other people around you. Emotions are contagious.

8.  Indulge in moderation. Reward yourself. See, it might be a tad bit expensive to travel to places you have never been to before, to eat really good food, to watch movies or concerts or to binge on booze, but memories are priceless.

7. Letting go doesn't equate to giving up. There are times that it means that you've found peace within yourself despite the chaos around you.

6. Opportunities knock not only because you know the right people, but also because these people trust that you're the right man for a certain job. Believe in yourself the way they believe in you.

5. Also, believe in others. Trust that, yes, yes, there are people in this world worth trusting. Ultimately, they are all worth helping and caring for. We all have our bad and good sides. We are all innocent until proven guilty.

4. And, even when guilty, give people the benefit of the doubt. You might have read people or have interpreted situations incorrectly. Someday, you'd need that second chance. Who says that someone you know doesn't need one right now?

3. Seek and pray. It doesn't matter to whom you pray to. Talk to Him/Her the way you'd talk to your bestest best friend. He/She knows everything after all.

2. Blood may not be thicker than water all the time, but love is. Family first.

1. Love yourself. Boys come and go; girls, too. This world is full of people of all shapes and sizes. But there is only one you. :)

An even longer period of silence

I have always respected people who decide to keep silent even when the world begs them to speak up. I guess it's because I know how it feels like. There have been moments in my life when I was forced to voice my opinions and make decisions when I felt so lost and would've chosen to just shut my trap and not make a choice at all.

It can be viewed as immature and even irresponsible, I know. I cannot deny the fact, though, that sometimes it's better to hold your tongue even when your head is full of thoughts that need sorting out. Perhaps that's it: sometimes, you need to sort them out on your on first before sharing them with anyone. After all, once you've said whatever it is that's running through your mind, it'll be open to interpretation and it'll be very hard to take any of your words back. I made that mistake once. I answered what seems to be very important questions without thinking them through.

I'm still in deep, erm, dirt because of that.

They say the best ideas and most perfect realizations are usually found in complete silence. Sometimes, the only sound that you need to hear is the sound of your mind whirring about, looking for the right solution to your most disturbing problem. I'm taking a page from your book and shutting up. Never mind that we have a lot to discuss. Never mind that I have my own set of questions that I want you to answer. Never mind that I want this over and done with.

Fate has its way of telling you that you have your priorities screwed up. In my case, it presented a new opportunity to make my life as a breadwinner a bit easier. Such a blessing in disguise it was. I was about to self-destruct with all these confusing feelings you've awakened after a relatively long while. So, I am shutting up and focusing on more urgent matters. There are things that are less important, yes, but are much easier to deal with.

I guess dealing with those is my way of getting ready for that time when I need to open up again. Because, yes, I won't hold my peace forever. I will speak again. And, when that happens, you'll be forced to look me in the eye, as I'll be forced to be completely honest with you. You'll stop toying with my feelings, as I yours (though I don't think I ever did do that. Well, at least, not on purpose). We'll answer each other's questions. We'll finally figure out what we have been doing. We'll finally stop haunting each other as if we're each other's own personal ghosts. And I can finally start living again without looking back, hoping that you'll say the words that I want to hear and more. I can finally move on.

For now, I'll just have to endure an even longer period of silence.

Blue and white

They're two ordinary colors, really.

One comes in different shades:
cerulean and cobalt, denim and duke,
maya and majorelle, periwinkle and powder
sapphire and sky and ultramarine.

One with none but its purity
(unless you count ghost white and anti-flash white,
magnolia and old lace, seashell and eggshell,
and ivory and lace).

Two ordinary colors, truly,

Bringing a glimpse of heaven, and the sky, and the sea,
loyalty and purity, and freedom and light,
sincerity and innocence, and faith and spirituality,
and possibility, and inspiration, and perfection.

Bringing a glance of you to me
(together with those happy days and endless nights,
meaningful conversations and unusual anecdotes,
truthful insights and real and true and honest-to-goodness friendship).

Two colors on something named after some fruit,

Just there, on standby...simply there,
simply staring,
simply waiting,
simply wishing.

Just here, in the palm of my hand...actually here
(unlike you who's a thousand miles away,
in your glory and success,
your reality, your truth,
my demise, my pain.)

Two colors I wish I'd see.

To light up my world.
Like a few years ago.
Again.
Again.

Two colors again.

Relapse No. 6

Like a faucet

Turned on

Very similar to the facet of this fact

That needs exploration,

Explanation,

Action.

Did it matter then that it happened

Once upon a time, 

Upon some slithering snakes

Dancing to see who

The real charmer is?

Like a disease

Spreading

Almost the same as a pair of limbs

Accepting and praying

Quickly closing,

Now running.

Does it matter now that a pair ponders

Over bones set into play,

Whilst roaring in delight, disgust

Fighting to see who

The real winner is?

Like a home

Haunted

As her eyes, his touch, their faces

Look confused,

Bruised,

Used.

Will it matter that they have set

The rules, perchance to break,

The stage where a poor soul stands

Waiting to see who

The real man is?

***

Tango (Part 2)

I've fallen for your eyes but they don't know me yet 
And the feeling I forget I'm in love now. 

- Kiss Me, Ed Sheeran

I was afraid and excited and...pretty happy. I knew that that dance would be one hell of a dance the moment you placed your hand on mine.

The first step was perfect -- done at the same time and on the same beat. We spun and waltzed across the dance floor. It was exactly what a tango's supposed to be. It was precise. Passionate. Hot. My eyes have betrayed me: all I can see were glimpses of this and that whizzing past me. Not that I cared that much. My other senses were so...heightened, it was scary. It's as if I can hear a million things at the same time, can feel a million things at the same time. I was having a frighteningly great time.

I couldn't have asked for a better dance partner, too. I can't really describe it, you know? It's like it has this binding magic of its own. You have your own brand of magic. I remember everything in great precision and in a blur, too, if that's even possible. At that time, it didn't matter to me anymore if I were still dancing it right, if I were still moving my feet the way I would've if we were back in the rehearsal studio. Yet you were there to remind me to breathe when I felt like I was about to lose my sanity, to give instructions when I felt like going over the edge, to pull me back when I felt like ignoring the rules of this intricate dance. But I still let the music take over. I let myself loose and danced like I have never danced before. I tried to put as much heart and soul in it without disfiguring the steps, without disregarding the rules.

The dance was almost over when you did something totally unexpected. You improvised. You started going to the left when every book says stay right. After pulling and pulling and pulling me back, you brushed aside the conventional dance patterns, changed our pace and just started really dancing. With me.

Suddenly, it wasn't just about dancing the tango just for the heck of it. It was dancing the tango as if my life depended on it. It was, ultimately, dancing the tango with you.

Tango (Part 1)

You don't have to put on that red light...You don't care if it's wrong or if it is right

- El Tango de Roxanne, Moulin Rouge!

I wanted to dance. I felt it in my bones.

Music was playing. It was loud. But beautiful loud, you know? It made me feel so alive. Each note, each beat, every word. I have never felt like this before. It was something very familiar but something very new. How is that even possible, I wondered. But reason was reduced to nothing but a blur when I heard that old song from not so long ago. Next thing I knew, I was singing. I was humming and I wanted to dance. I was singing and I wanted to tango.

Let me tell you, I really, really wanted to dance. But, for some weird reason, I kept on declining offers. It didn't feel right. No, not with this song. If they have played any other song, I would've gladly danced with them. But not this one. Not this one.

Then, I saw you.

I felt it in a rush. I knew I just had to dance with you. You looked at me from across the dance floor but those glances you threw my way were not enough for me to know for certain if you thought of me competent enough to tango with you. So, I brushed the thought aside and tried to stop myself from raising my hands and dancing to those taunting violin strings.

My song ended and another one began. Brushing aside the disappointment was harder than I thought. I started walking away...

...when you grabbed me by the hand.

And the dance began.

On Making Decisions

I read somewhere that we make about "217 food-related decisions a day". I think we get more or less half of them wrong. That's why we gain (or lose) weight without us knowing. Most girls are slaves to that flat, board-like object lying on the floor. One itsy bitsy line (on that weighing scale, that is) defines our utmost triumph and joy (followed by days of high self-confidence and that liberating "I'm-sexy-and-I-know-it" vibe) or pure anguish and frustration (followed by another week of very limiting diets and really painful physical activities).

It's amazing how, most of the time, crossing one itsy bitsy line defines the course of action we undertake in our lives. It can make us. It can break us. It most definitely affects us. And, most of the time, there is no turning back. The numbers you see when you step on the weighing scale become insignificant when you think of how there are so many other things that you cannot lose (or gain back) once you've crossed that line.

(And they say losing or gaining weight is one of the hardest things a girl encounters in her life. Ha! Yeah, right.)

So what must a girl to do when she is perched on that fence, sitting and thinking of the right thing to do? Must she heed her instinct or carefully think things through? Must she go for the practical choice or the popular decision? Must she be selfish or think of the feelings of the people around her?

Must she listen to her mind's reason? Must she listen to her heart's desire?

Based on experience, I'd like to say that it doesn't really matter. What matters most is that you are ready to face the consequences of that choice. Remember that it is always a fifty-fifty thing: you are never sure if you've done the right thing unless it has been shoved up in your face and you can see it as clear as day. So anticipate that uplifting feeling of pride and satisfaction in what you have done. However, be ready to accept the crushing agony of defeat and shame when you realize that you have gone down the wrong road and that you are lost.

And, when you do get lost, remember the reason why you chose that road anyway. Try to recall all the pros and cons you have listed down (or the lack thereof) that led you to that direction. Remind yourself. Make sure you're sure. No, not of the fact that you made the right decision (because there is no way of knowing, like what I have mentioned earlier) but of the reasons behind that particular choice. See, there is nothing worse than doubting yourself. Second-guessing never helped and never will.

We make decisions every day. Some major ones, some minor ones. Like the ripples when a pebble is thrown in the middle of a lake, remember that it is the effects of our choices -- even the small ones -- that define us. Sometimes, it takes just one teeny tiny line to determine who we are. While we may not always know where to stand, may we always have the courage to stand...and to stand tall.

Life's lemons

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

But what if you're out of sugar and ice? Sometimes, you can't help but feel pessimistic when things are out of your control and, as much as you'd like to remain hopeful that things will be better soon, you lose that cool energy to keep going and that sweet inspiration to get things right again. When this happens, what should you do? Should you still make that lemonade, knowing that it'll taste as bad and sour as the fruit it came from?

Today, I realized that life does not necessarily become better or worse just because a new year has arrived.  You will still be haunted by your past and you cannot start anew unless you have tied up all your loose ends. But is there even a chance in this lifetime for you to drive your demons out of your life? Can you really completely forgive yourself for the pain you have brought not only in your life but also in the lives of the people you care about? Or is finding peace in yourself found only in eternal repose? Are we destined to just admit defeat and feel content with the meager happiness we receive from petty achievements and fleeting memories and bear the mediocrity and/or pain from all the other moments in between?

They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But what if you want a glass of apple juice instead? Do we really have to accept all of life's lemons and not ask, wish, hope, pray, beg for something else? Is it wrong to ask for something totally different, just for a change, just for once?


***
Okay, this is such an emo whine-y post. The next lemon life throws me is definitely ending up with tequila. LOL. Happy new year!